Getting to know them

 We need more parties at school! That is my epiphany. 

On the last day of school, my class had a pizza party on our room patio. After the pizza eating, the kids ran about blowing bubbles. Everyone was laughing, smiling, talking. One student came up and announced, "This is the best day ever!" 

More importantly, the kids came up one by one and started sharing their lives with me. I learned that my most troublesome student had been taking piano lessons - I could have used that knowledge. Another one, the "best day ever" student stated, as an aside, "Now, if only my dad doesn't drink wine..." Yes, I did ask a follow up question and yes dad drinking wine is a very bad thing. I felt helpless on that last day of school. 

Of course, I will share Christopher's piano playing with next year's teacher so he (at least I hope he gets a "he" teacher) can tap into that interest. And, I will advise the new teacher and the counselor of "Best Day Ever's" home situation, but I should have known sooner and for him it will be 2 long months before he gets the emotional support he needs.

 I need to make a big change. The time allowed for parties, two end-of-the-day 10 minute parties a year, is barely enough time to pass out the usual birthday cupcake and say goodbye. That is not a party. That is not enough to get to know a thing, except who doesn't like chocolate.

We need more parties - sooner and often.  My plan?

Just like my end of the year party, we will have lunch parties, at least 3 times a year. There will be two important components  - dining and an activity. 

 The dining is important because I can see how the kids interact. You find out who sits where and what groups are formed? In this case, I was struck with the fact that all students found a group to sit with except one. He sat smack in the middle of the patio well away from the two other groups. When he was done eating he looked over at the two separate groups and choose neither. Instead, he wandered the patio checking out the plants or the sky. He was trying to look occupied without having to interact. What was most surprising to me was that this is a very intelligent verbal student: not one who strikes me as having social issues.

The activity was equally important. When several kids came up after the pizza was devoured, they were disappointed that they were missing their recess, until I brought out the bubbles. Bubbles are perfect. It's an activity that brings delight to all and creates lightness in the most troubled of students.  In my year end example, I asked my newly discovered loner to help me sort the bubble containers -  wands/no wands, empty/ full. He was a little grumpy, he seemed to think he had been given a job. Periodically, a student asked to go to the playground or for a bubble container. We took turns sending them back to the patio to wait for directions. He'd take a deep breath and repeat the instructions to the next set of students to inquire. Eventually, all containers were sorted and I sent him to pass them out. That was a task in itself especially when the others swarmed him. He seemed dually exasperated with the rush and pleased at being the center of things. I brought order to the group, all containers were passed out, and he turned for further instructions, which were to take some bubbles and go have fun. And have fun he did. He was Mr. Best Day Ever!

During both activities kids felt free to come and just talk to me. There was no rush, no deadline or change of program to start. We need more parties.